Love is wat u think it should be!

time fly.......things keep changing

2006-08-21T22:43:00.000+08:00

It have been very long ever since i start blogging. Many things have changes... many thing have done tat can't be undone......
This year 2006 started with a bad one..... until now, there r so many down periods happening in my life. No words can be put. But through out those events..... i am still who i am, some ppl maybe wondering Is this really me....Yes its still me. i have never change abt my way of dealing n treating friends with my full heart. But with ppl tat somehow have bad mouthed me, have give others a different concept of who i am , then i really got nothing to say, cos me beinging sincere dun need to tell ppl " hey look here i am sincere....! only friends who really feel me , noe me ,understand who i am really is. And those r really my truth friends.
Things tat i have done or didn't do, i noe it very well. i might lookas if i dun give a dame about things... but inside me, i really care n mind.....

i wish watever i am going to do next will be a good one....... wish me luck.....

time passes so fast...yet so slow.....

2005-06-14T17:45:00.000+08:00

hahah seem like i only blog once a mth........ well ....not really much thing have happened. i have just done with my birthday... n i have got wat i have wished for too example: the full collection of trexi from my good buddy n someone with full of suprise, a timberland boots from my parents, a wallet from denise n momo, N a converse polo-t from biebie. hahah n two more people who still on own r JO, n my new found sister: roger!

tomolo will be biebie birthday....... hope she like wat i have brought for her... cos all three things i have really put in alot of effort searching..... me just wish tat she knows how i feel towards her. she is now opening up for me alot.. so much so even she share her family problem to me. i may not be able to help, but i still able to give her advice.

Me still in love with her. but this time round , iam sure tat i can get over it if she dun agree to be with me. i have move on.... just hoping something wonderful will happen, but with not much hope too. ;) . so friend who read this blog, please have fate in me. i will not do anything funny if i fail.

OH i have open up to mama Lisa at last. really happy tat she accept who i am. she is my biggest worry... hahahahahha. tat nite.. dun where do my courage came from, i just went on n on n on, telling her n updating her abt wat i have done for the pass half the year....

MY ONLY WISH FOR MY THIS YR BDAY IS ONLY TO BE WITH ABBIE. JUST ABBIE.

how i wish i can get back to my own self.... always confidence... always sure...

2005-05-08T02:15:00.000+08:00

Things have not been doing well for me....... last sunday was my very very shocking nite........ tired one...... when KTV even... which i always hate to go. Have Had tried to get drunk... or at least get high, but non! sigh. knowing she with her ex bf that nite, really hate me alot. After that, the next day, me talk to her, know tat she is happy of wats going to happen. n i the dumb one here..... wishing her all the best, n will have my moral support.

banging my head for wat.....! i look for it.... being so lousy..... why can't i open my mouth to ask.... why can't i??? wat am i scare of? WAT! VICKEY WAT!!!!!!! the most just kana slap by her! or she just walk off! vic ! iam very disappointed ! very! where r u?? where? where is all my courage gone to....... where r all my confidence gone to..... where is my logic..." never say die" just do it" gone to.... wat had happen to me...............

This whole week i didn't talk to her! she was complaining to some friends tat why am i so cold towards her.......
she even tried to msn me asking me tat question to....... n i choose to delete her msn...... But she some how got hold of me on friday after our company happy hour. She told me she had very very long not talk to me personally. she miss the time tat we talk...... HAHAHA! i miss too.... but its just to painfull for me to face her straight looking tat her face. there will be no r/s going between us... unless to come tell me she not straigth.....

During the talking session, she told me how pissed off she was with work n her so call going to patch back bf.
i agreed tat the things she said do affect me, but i will not give up on giving her up. this thing will only be more painfull to me. she only regerts me as a friend who really understand her, n will be there for her if she need.

iam happy enough liao. its me now how fast i can get back to my normal lifestyle....... MIss ThEm all hahahhahahahaah. doing all the funny boring things...... how now i wish i have got a room all by myself. shut inside, n start drawing..... miss that feeling. the care free feeling, no headach of outside world. only love coming out from myself.

i have gone throught diff problems.. i believe i can do it again. its a new learning process. LOVE is my new discovery of myself. Got to move on........ still in love but will move on. bringing it with me as a memory n to give it to someone who worth my LOVE. n love me for wat i am.

still loving her..............

2005-04-26T14:32:00.000+08:00

It have been a week or so... she did talk to me. she did ask me to go out. last sat we both went to do our booking for advance driving at abt 12pm. Than went swimming near by. she was excited to try her new bikin as she brought on friday. Its white which her favour color ;) she always look good in white. tempting too.....

Licking my own wound now......

2005-04-19T15:08:00.000+08:00

well, well, well. its a long time ....... lots of things have been happened to me... my life, my family, my love life.
where should i being....hmmmm.......lets c... my grandma had passed away...n during tat time, they still fight! 5 day.. of her funeral non stop everyday.. very happening. N guess wat! me nearly got myself killed!me being throw out of the car! hahahaha lucky me. as for am i sad... no . i don't noe why, its just tat i can't cry.. not even one drop of tears.

i got another mislead from her again!!!! this time round really make me feel so........ happy in the start, n than it just shutter like a piece of glass! i can believe it when she suddenly hold my hand. which we were at a friend place, sleeping in the guest room. it happened three time, becos i keep coughing, need my hand to cover my mouth. she just hold on back my hand wheneven i put back on the bed.she even hold when i want to move to the living room. i feel so bloody goood holding her hand. she is so small, so soft, so warm... i have never feel soo good holding a hand like hers. i felt like iam in cloud 9 or even more! This have been hunting me till now! but than after a few days later, i found out that she still love her EX...... she even tell me tah\t she is very sure of wat she want... tat make my dreams gone right down to the drain! i wanted to ask her this time for sure. but NOW sigh........ i really want to express my feeling towards her. telling her how i really have fallen in love to her. she really make me crazy! carzy over her..... please someone help me!!!! help me tp pass the message of how much i really love her, but dare not tell becos i really wan the friendship to stay on even she rejected me. i will do anything for her. anything.

on the 19 april two of my best friend's grandma passed away...... called me at the same time. iam can't really express how i feel abt it . i noe losing a a love one is painfull, but life still got to go on. we should be happy that they have moved on. its only tat they on long related to u even if they were to reborn. who knows someday as u whoever so out there reading this, i have already gone for good :).

me still licking my own wound. have never think so dying.. just that i still love her. but have got to open up my world again. mabe someone will pass by, n give me a try. hahahaha.

U never know wat life maybe like............

2005-02-08T09:46:00.000+08:00

Time pass so fast...... n i havn't been blogging for so long. today is chinese new yr eve. I'm still in love...... but sigh. still don't have the gut to tell her how much i like her. N i still c tat MC still have not give up chasing her too. i really don't how..... this thing just some how make her more piss off abt MC. Yesterday, she was soo pissed off with MC saying tat she a two headed snake! hmmmm........ me still don't understand why is it tat MC always do so many unnecessary thing, n in the end alway is abbie tat got to take the scolding.....

I too found out that abbie noe tat i like her too some how....... ( thinking maybe me got hope :) ]
oh.... got to go do work liao. tell u more some other days.

Happy new yr N chinese New yr :)

I just can't get it wats happening in living beings........................

2005-01-04T10:53:00.000+08:00

Love is wat u think it should be!

HAHA long no blog...... well things have been ok during last week, as i even took leave on monday which is 27th of dec.. partly is to look after my dear little, n be just accompany my dear abbie to the beach. So, in e end i put my little to the dog hotel for abt 5hrs heeheehee just to be with her... think abt it, kind of funny. we actully were to meet at 11:30am, but bith of us slept late n got up at abt 11am, where she have to go company to hand in a document then can meet me.
So in the end, we finally met up at abt 12:30pm. We have our lunch at noodle hut, which is not good! than beinging so lazy of her, we took a cab whom that stupid uncle keep scolding us of wasting his time just to take us to sentosa, when we could just take the free shutter bus in! and in the end, he dropped us at the nears bus stop! sigh.........
anyway, reached the beach.... she die die want to buy me drink, which is beer... hahahaha good one . As we r doing our tanning, we actually dos off to sleep hhahaha..... tanned for abt 4 hrs, but she still not very happy with the tan becos the sun keep coming on n off...... we eat ice-cream.... bath... take our time... then home we go.

life is abt moving on to the next chapter after another

2004-12-22T14:20:00.000+08:00

Everyday is moving so fast................ xmas coming just in 3days time, N i still have not get the NICHI lamb which Have gone out of stock to all the places i went! sob sob ............ should have brought it the last time i saw it! How stupid of ME!
I have been wondering will she like it? she seem like soft toy... cute ones.... tat time i brought her a small bear, with an A on the bear, she actally don't know where, got a small t-shirt to put it on :)

yesterday, 21st dec, when out dinner with denise & her girl for steamboat..... as waiting for denise at office, abbie called to ask me to help her to bring something to her....... and so on...... reached the place , looked for her, n passed the thing to her. n of cos niko was there too. thinking that why Niko looked so serious, maybe she have problem...... but its not her! Its Abbie! and only got to know it today, when she sms me.

i feel so disappointed with myself for not notice tat she is unhappy....... how uncaring I am :(. i just hope that she will look for me when she is troubled...... at least i can give my both good listening ears to her.

sometime i find tat i'm just to concern about how she think of me..... have never think of how i think of her...(u understand wat i am trying to say? nvm......) i myself too don't ! hahaha

I'm still waiting for the rigth time to say I LOVE U Abbie. waiting to ask u to be my another part of me. waiting to cover, protect u with me Love, warm, care............ u name it i will try my very BEST to give u. If u give me a chance to show u. I'M really In LoVe. this feeling have been gone for so long Tat i almost have forgotten. But this time round is a total diff one. I know with this kind for relationship will not last, at least i Have try. I will just let go, if u tell me tat u have found a good guy.

Please Whoever GOD up there, let me have her for maybe just await. Give me the courage to tell her tat I Love her, and she will accept my Love. i don't want her i move away from me after she have found out tat I am going after her. I don't have to be tat whoever person tat she have had rejected becos tat person is so pushes, keep pestering her..... in the end, abbie condame! tat person.

Stress Right! Bless me Whoever so who read it. or even teach or give me some tips...... hahaha thanks.

*************************** In my Life, I Learned : How 2 LoVe, How 2 SmiLe, How to be HaPpY, How 2 beStRoNg, How to SiNg, How to Work HaRd, But i didn't learn how 2 FoGeT U ! *********************************

life is abt moving on to the next chapter

2004-12-16T17:53:00.000+08:00

Today is also another same day as working life is still sucks! as ever!!!! yesterday, i had a very bad headach! after a swim with my dear son!!! who had nearly kill me during the swim!

unknow feeling.........

2004-12-15T05:27:00.000+08:00

hi! have not been blogging for a week......... last week was also a busy week for me......... many things just go pass and soon it will be the end for the year of 2004.

yesterday, 13dec, went to taka with denise and momo from abt 12:30pm to 3pm.. came back to office n can c that my boss not very happy. but .... he can't do anything to me! hahaha. than time passed very slow... knock off at work, trying to date her..... but to my disappointment, she was dated by someone which i didn't really like her to be with!

some time really don't know wat or how she thinks.... the gay was a very touches person. And there this few time that she touched her, which she compainted to me abt her being touched! and yet she can actully go out with this gay! i asked her if she is now close to this gay, n she told me that she can talk with her??????

i got a feeling that this gay got interested in her........ iam actually scare.... sad.... unsure of wat to do. Just look at me! I' m not good look, I'm Fat! she so slim, n in my eyes, she is cute in her looks....

i went home heart beating very fast, can even feel the aloneless, the pain during my bus ride home. nearly cry... i just can't believe it. sob sob sob

in the nite , talked to jo at abt 10 to 1230am..... than when to sleep still heart pain inside.

I don't know why it happen to me..... which have actually never happened to me before.

.........Life is like mountains, with ups n down hills............Just wish that i can bust all them!

trying to know her more........

2004-12-08T10:15:00.000+08:00

yesterday was a busy day....... same job......

but after work, me managed to ask her out for dinner, after i accompany her to see a doctor becos she got a cold sore in her nose, after having running nose in the weekends......

the doc actually not sure how, or why or wat it was cause from. but She still in pain......
(me heart pain too)

after seeing the doc, we went to coffee bean to have our dinner. she ordered a log cake and black coffee ,and i ordered my earl gray n a cake too.chatted ....... than went home at abt 9:30pm

Just love talking to her........lighten up my day always... =)

2004-12-07T08:47:00.000+08:00

last friday was a bad one! got so..... pissed of with those bitches ! forced me to stay beck to finish up their job and yet nothing came up to me, and made me waited for 3hours! that in the end, i just went off !
But of cos, before i go off, i e-mailed them an angry e-mail...................... hahaha

I in the end got wat i wan, which is don't have to go back to work on sat....... and i have made them feel very gulit! YES!!!!!!

on sat, i got up at abt 11am, when out with my sis shopping, got my hair cut at last! at 5pm, went to meet denise and her girl, whom had cheated me to go shopping again! than got my thai dinner, which the food are so.................... HOT!!!. after dinner, got to send denise girl home before her father got home................... in the taxi, mei was so scared when she saw her father car, that she keep repeating F..k!

After that denise n me when to MR Bean to have coffee................ till abt 1230am. i walked half way home............. thinking very hard ! WAt e hell hav i BEEN DOING! hahahaha
Why am i so maddly in LOVE with Abbie???????????????

My dear Buddy told me tat if its mine, its mine. If its not is not! asked me to follow my HEART not my Emotion. if i think i should countinue then go for it. if not, than let it go...... Dun hang on half way.

Its Easy to say man! but Its never easy to be done!

DEEply IN LoVe With Her EvEyThInG.........................

sigh.......sigh.......

2004-12-02T09:30:00.000+08:00

Me very tried! both physical and mental. I'm now very dishearted becos din't get my pay increment nor post upgrade....... n still stuck at the same old job........me now getting to have doubt in if i really can move on to another postition in another dept as was promised by the boss. as she say that within half year more, i will get to go.
another bad new is that one of my friend was asked to leave the company........... which it have had affected my dear feeling and got doubt about the company, as shes now not sure whether to sign on her contact for 2 yrs which all designers have to after their confirmation of 6mths.
i think that she is just to immature and got the wrong perception. me really very disappointed in her reaction. as she knows that this girl who was say to leave is just expected to leave. it is only the matter of time.
I feel that i have slowly move further & further away from her................ But i still in love with her. her funny face, her silly question asking, her unexpected reaction,her cute soft sleepy face when shes sleeping soundly.
wat am i going to do!!!!!!!! sigh..............sigh.............sigh...........sTiLL CrAzY OvEr U!!!!!!

hello dear..........

2004-11-26T10:30:00.000+08:00

Things have been going crazy for this two weeks. No i should say, this yr. working life is so....... boring, so tried, so aimless some how......... Have never being to lost for so long, ever since 5 years ago! with such bad experience whom i call a bitch, who had cheated me for 2 long yrs, me giving so much support and trust to her! Anyway it was a past, that took me more than 2 yrs to get over it! Now, i actually fall in Love to a girl............................................................ long story... but only the beginning..... tell u some other time. Got to get out of office ! bye