Love is wat u think it should be!

It have been very long ever since i start blogging. Many things have changes... many thing have done tat can't be undone......
This year 2006 started with a bad one..... until now, there r so many down periods happening in my life. No words can be put. But through out those events..... i am still who i am, some ppl maybe wondering Is this really me....Yes its still me. i have never change abt my way of dealing n treating friends with my full heart. But with ppl tat somehow have bad mouthed me, have give others a different concept of who i am , then i really got nothing to say, cos me beinging sincere dun need to tell ppl " hey look here i am sincere....! only friends who really feel me , noe me ,understand who i am really is. And those r really my truth friends.
Things tat i have done or didn't do, i noe it very well. i might lookas if i dun give a dame about things... but inside me, i really care n mind.....

i wish watever i am going to do next will be a good one....... wish me luck.....

vic posted its thoughts at 10:43 PM ----------

hahah seem like i only blog once a mth........ well ....not really much thing have happened. i have just done with my birthday... n i have got wat i have wished for too example: the full collection of trexi from my good buddy n someone with full of suprise, a timberland boots from my parents, a wallet from denise n momo, N a converse polo-t from biebie. hahah n two more people who still on own r JO, n my new found sister: roger!

tomolo will be biebie birthday....... hope she like wat i have brought for her... cos all three things i have really put in alot of effort searching..... me just wish tat she knows how i feel towards her. she is now opening up for me alot.. so much so even she share her family problem to me. i may not be able to help, but i still able to give her advice.

Me still in love with her. but this time round , iam sure tat i can get over it if she dun agree to be with me. i have move on.... just hoping something wonderful will happen, but with not much hope too. ;) . so friend who read this blog, please have fate in me. i will not do anything funny if i fail.

OH i have open up to mama Lisa at last. really happy tat she accept who i am. she is my biggest worry... hahahahahha. tat nite.. dun where do my courage came from, i just went on n on n on, telling her n updating her abt wat i have done for the pass half the year....

MY ONLY WISH FOR MY THIS YR BDAY IS ONLY TO BE WITH ABBIE. JUST ABBIE.

vic posted its thoughts at 5:45 PM ----------

Things have not been doing well for me....... last sunday was my very very shocking nite........ tired one...... when KTV even... which i always hate to go. Have Had tried to get drunk... or at least get high, but non! sigh. knowing she with her ex bf that nite, really hate me alot. After that, the next day, me talk to her, know tat she is happy of wats going to happen. n i the dumb one here..... wishing her all the best, n will have my moral support.

banging my head for wat.....! i look for it.... being so lousy..... why can't i open my mouth to ask.... why can't i??? wat am i scare of? WAT! VICKEY WAT!!!!!!! the most just kana slap by her! or she just walk off! vic ! iam very disappointed ! very! where r u?? where? where is all my courage gone to....... where r all my confidence gone to..... where is my logic..." never say die" just do it" gone to.... wat had happen to me...............

This whole week i didn't talk to her! she was complaining to some friends tat why am i so cold towards her.......
she even tried to msn me asking me tat question to....... n i choose to delete her msn...... But she some how got hold of me on friday after our company happy hour. She told me she had very very long not talk to me personally. she miss the time tat we talk...... HAHAHA! i miss too.... but its just to painfull for me to face her straight looking tat her face. there will be no r/s going between us... unless to come tell me she not straigth.....

During the talking session, she told me how pissed off she was with work n her so call going to patch back bf.
i agreed tat the things she said do affect me, but i will not give up on giving her up. this thing will only be more painfull to me. she only regerts me as a friend who really understand her, n will be there for her if she need.

iam happy enough liao. its me now how fast i can get back to my normal lifestyle....... MIss ThEm all hahahhahahahaah. doing all the funny boring things...... how now i wish i have got a room all by myself. shut inside, n start drawing..... miss that feeling. the care free feeling, no headach of outside world. only love coming out from myself.

i have gone throught diff problems.. i believe i can do it again. its a new learning process. LOVE is my new discovery of myself. Got to move on........ still in love but will move on. bringing it with me as a memory n to give it to someone who worth my LOVE. n love me for wat i am.

vic posted its thoughts at 2:15 AM ----------

It have been a week or so... she did talk to me. she did ask me to go out. last sat we both went to do our booking for advance driving at abt 12pm. Than went swimming near by. she was excited to try her new bikin as she brought on friday. Its white which her favour color ;) she always look good in white. tempting too.....

vic posted its thoughts at 2:32 PM ----------

well, well, well. its a long time ....... lots of things have been happened to me... my life, my family, my love life.
where should i being....hmmmm.......lets c... my grandma had passed away...n during tat time, they still fight! 5 day.. of her funeral non stop everyday.. very happening. N guess wat! me nearly got myself killed!me being throw out of the car! hahahaha lucky me. as for am i sad... no . i don't noe why, its just tat i can't cry.. not even one drop of tears.

i got another mislead from her again!!!! this time round really make me feel so........ happy in the start, n than it just shutter like a piece of glass! i can believe it when she suddenly hold my hand. which we were at a friend place, sleeping in the guest room. it happened three time, becos i keep coughing, need my hand to cover my mouth. she just hold on back my hand wheneven i put back on the bed.she even hold when i want to move to the living room. i feel so bloody goood holding her hand. she is so small, so soft, so warm... i have never feel soo good holding a hand like hers. i felt like iam in cloud 9 or even more! This have been hunting me till now! but than after a few days later, i found out that she still love her EX...... she even tell me tah\t she is very sure of wat she want... tat make my dreams gone right down to the drain! i wanted to ask her this time for sure. but NOW sigh........ i really want to express my feeling towards her. telling her how i really have fallen in love to her. she really make me crazy! carzy over her..... please someone help me!!!! help me tp pass the message of how much i really love her, but dare not tell becos i really wan the friendship to stay on even she rejected me. i will do anything for her. anything.

on the 19 april two of my best friend's grandma passed away...... called me at the same time. iam can't really express how i feel abt it . i noe losing a a love one is painfull, but life still got to go on. we should be happy that they have moved on. its only tat they on long related to u even if they were to reborn. who knows someday as u whoever so out there reading this, i have already gone for good :).

me still licking my own wound. have never think so dying.. just that i still love her. but have got to open up my world again. mabe someone will pass by, n give me a try. hahahaha.

vic posted its thoughts at 3:08 PM ----------

Time pass so fast...... n i havn't been blogging for so long. today is chinese new yr eve. I'm still in love...... but sigh. still don't have the gut to tell her how much i like her. N i still c tat MC still have not give up chasing her too. i really don't how..... this thing just some how make her more piss off abt MC. Yesterday, she was soo pissed off with MC saying tat she a two headed snake! hmmmm........ me still don't understand why is it tat MC always do so many unnecessary thing, n in the end alway is abbie tat got to take the scolding.....

I too found out that abbie noe tat i like her too some how....... ( thinking maybe me got hope :) ]
oh.... got to go do work liao. tell u more some other days.

Happy new yr N chinese New yr :)

vic posted its thoughts at 9:46 AM ----------

Love is wat u think it should be!

HAHA long no blog...... well things have been ok during last week, as i even took leave on monday which is 27th of dec.. partly is to look after my dear little, n be just accompany my dear abbie to the beach. So, in e end i put my little to the dog hotel for abt 5hrs heeheehee just to be with her... think abt it, kind of funny. we actully were to meet at 11:30am, but bith of us slept late n got up at abt 11am, where she have to go company to hand in a document then can meet me.
So in the end, we finally met up at abt 12:30pm. We have our lunch at noodle hut, which is not good! than beinging so lazy of her, we took a cab whom that stupid uncle keep scolding us of wasting his time just to take us to sentosa, when we could just take the free shutter bus in! and in the end, he dropped us at the nears bus stop! sigh.........
anyway, reached the beach.... she die die want to buy me drink, which is beer... hahahaha good one . As we r doing our tanning, we actually dos off to sleep hhahaha..... tanned for abt 4 hrs, but she still not very happy with the tan becos the sun keep coming on n off...... we eat ice-cream.... bath... take our time... then home we go.

vic posted its thoughts at 10:53 AM ----------